Lord have mercy. Where do I begin? Being in the game at 36 is brutal. The ones you want to show interest don't & the ones you wish would take a long jump off a short bridge pursue you like you're the last piece of ass on the planet. & there is no happy medium... they either want ALL of your time, or don't want to give you enough of theirs; go figure.
I've tried the online thing. Lasted on Plenty of Fish for about a week... my nerves couldn't stand it. Desperados, wierdos, & superficial assholes. If you're going to send me a message, you are one of about 500, so PLEASE have something to talk about or meaningful to say. Desperation should be quiet, not screaming like the headline on the front of today's newspaper. Vulnerabilty, desperation, & loneliness are not attractive qualities in men (or women, for that matter). For God's sake if you can't spend a few hours alone with yourself, then who in the hell else do you expect to want to spend time with you? Head shots aren't good enough... & some will let you know in the first message. Well, here's the ghetto booty I've been hiding, asshole, but what's up with that bald head you're hiding under that ballcap & is that a beer gut under your shirt or are you 7 months pregnant? I'll agree, looks & attraction are important...but geez...if looks are ALL you care about then you're pretty shallow & there's no need to try to look underneath your surface because there is nothing there.
& some won't take no for an answer. Persistence is a complete turnoff. Show a little mystery, really. If I know I can have you right off the bat, I don't really want you. Don't lay it all out on the line from the get go. & If I hear from you every five minutes, I don't know if I miss hearing from you when I don't (because don't never comes)!
& some just want to let you know about their whole life story & baby mama drama right up front. & if I tell you I don't want to hear it, but you proceed to throw it at me anyway, then that shows me that you have no respect whatsoever for BOUNDARIES!!!!! & no woman wants a man that can't respect boundaries & most importantly handle his "baby mama" because that means at some point SHE'S going to have to handle it herself & that's going to open the door to God knows what & it ain't gonna be pretty! So I gotta see low hanging balls of brass before I can subject myself to a man with kids by another woman unless that bitch is dead.
So I give up on this three ring circus of trying to date... it just isn't worth it. My tolerance level is exhausted & my bullshit-o-meter is completely busted. I'm comfortable in my own skin so the need to constantly be around someone isn't an issue at all & when I'm not working crazy hours I have a son & two dogs to look forward to coming home to so loneliness isn't a factor either. I am deciding as of this moment that if I am meant to be with a man GOD is going to have to SEND him to knock on my door & he'd better be some kind of special for me to give him my time or anything else I have to offer.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Luck of the Draw
My intended focus today was reminiscence as August 31st is my mother's birthday & today is the one year anniversary of her mother's passing. However, as I have settled in for the night & shared a moment with my son, my focus has been somewhat rerouted.
To know my Tate is to love him. It is entirely impossible to be angry at this child. He has the most jovial spirit even during the most trying & troublesome of times. He is 17 years old & has been known to get himself into some hairy situations. He likes to partake of the jive stick from time to time & got into a little trouble for it back in the fall of last year. Got himself the grace of deferred prosecution provided he completed 24 hours of community services, drug classes, stayed out of trouble & stayed in school during his one year probationary period which will be up December 5th of this year. He completed his community service & classes, stayed in school, & so far has stayed out of trouble....apparently until last night, anyway.
So I get home from work today around 5:30 & go through my routine of cooking, chicken cordon bleu was on tonight's menu, & sit down in front of the computer to waste valuable time on facebook. Tate & one of his friends came in & Tate say's "mama, I got handcuffed last night." My automatic response was "quit bullshitting me, son," as he is always trying to take advantage of my gullable nature. Well, it turns this wasn't the case this time & he had once again found himself in yet another hairy situation that could have very well gotten his probation revoked three months before it was up & put him in the slammer for 45 days to fight off the booty bandits (he is a pretty child).
I wish I could share this story as it was so hilariously relayed to me, however due to the minor illegalities I will refrain so as to not incriminate him or any of his bros. Luckily he incurred no charges this time, although I'm not quite sure how...the luck of the draw just worked to his advantage this go round.
The point of this story is he had been wanting to share this with me all day. & even though he stood the risk of me going postal on his ass, he felt like he had to tell me & he came clean. This tells me a lot about his character. It tells me that he trusts me. It tells me that he respects me. Most importantly it tells me that he has a conscience. It also tells me that as a parent I may not have failed quite as miserably as I thought I had. I can stand tall & be proud that I have raised a MAN. Maybe the luck of the draw sometimes works to my advantage, too, afterall :)
To know my Tate is to love him. It is entirely impossible to be angry at this child. He has the most jovial spirit even during the most trying & troublesome of times. He is 17 years old & has been known to get himself into some hairy situations. He likes to partake of the jive stick from time to time & got into a little trouble for it back in the fall of last year. Got himself the grace of deferred prosecution provided he completed 24 hours of community services, drug classes, stayed out of trouble & stayed in school during his one year probationary period which will be up December 5th of this year. He completed his community service & classes, stayed in school, & so far has stayed out of trouble....apparently until last night, anyway.
So I get home from work today around 5:30 & go through my routine of cooking, chicken cordon bleu was on tonight's menu, & sit down in front of the computer to waste valuable time on facebook. Tate & one of his friends came in & Tate say's "mama, I got handcuffed last night." My automatic response was "quit bullshitting me, son," as he is always trying to take advantage of my gullable nature. Well, it turns this wasn't the case this time & he had once again found himself in yet another hairy situation that could have very well gotten his probation revoked three months before it was up & put him in the slammer for 45 days to fight off the booty bandits (he is a pretty child).
I wish I could share this story as it was so hilariously relayed to me, however due to the minor illegalities I will refrain so as to not incriminate him or any of his bros. Luckily he incurred no charges this time, although I'm not quite sure how...the luck of the draw just worked to his advantage this go round.
The point of this story is he had been wanting to share this with me all day. & even though he stood the risk of me going postal on his ass, he felt like he had to tell me & he came clean. This tells me a lot about his character. It tells me that he trusts me. It tells me that he respects me. Most importantly it tells me that he has a conscience. It also tells me that as a parent I may not have failed quite as miserably as I thought I had. I can stand tall & be proud that I have raised a MAN. Maybe the luck of the draw sometimes works to my advantage, too, afterall :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Deadbeats' Society
So, yeah, our area had some major storm damage due to "Hurricane Irene" over the weekend. Trees on houses, trees on cars, trees blocking the road, exposed powerlines, electricity out for days...you get the picture. Well, that picture wasn't as disastrous as what I drove upon when I arrived at work this morning, only to be unable to find a parking space for my Trailblazer (the one with a couple of large dents, the speakers that don't work unless the outside temp is extremely hot & the sun is shining very brightly, whose check engine light stays on all the time, that has to occasionally be hidden in case the repo man might happen by like a thief in the night). Not only was the county parking lot full of cars (most of which were much nicer than mine), but it was full of people....lined up like Walmart at 10p.m. on the eve of "Black Friday." Immediately I thought "what kind of free shit is the working class' tax dollars paying for Social Services to give away today?" I immediately wanted to run inside & grab a clipboard, paper, & pen and start polling those folks about their job status (I'd be willing to bet 97% don't have one) or call my friends to gather together & start protesting...but since my agency receives local government funding I had to keep my venting to the facebook level.
Sure enough as the morning progressed & I was working my butt off writing grants to attempt to secure funding for building repairs & print materials to promote the arts I find out what all the hype is about: EMERGENCY FOOD STAMPS up to $350 per recipient. (WTF) Where are the tax payers' emergency vouchers...we lost our groceries too, so now we have to stock the deadbeats refrigerators TWICE this month & replace what we lost in the storm? GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BREAK! GET A JOB PEOPLE....a J. O. B.!!!!! If you had one you wouldn't have been able to have your trifling ass in line this morning because you would have been WORKING (at your J.O.B.).
I've been working since I was 16 years old (20 years now) and have raised a son for 17 years on my own without a dime of child support OR assistance from social services. I struggle, but if I'd asked for assistance from D.S.S. I would have "made too much money," or my "car value would have been too high," my "salary would have been too high" or I "would have had a better chance if I were a minority." These excuses have been handed to some of my dearest & most hard working friends. This is BUNK.
No wonder our economy has gone to hell in a hand basket....we're giving handouts to every lazy mo' fo' in the world at the expense of the hardworking & struggling. You don't want to work...no problem, "we got you" is the message the government is sending with no true right in sending since it's OUR MONEY they're handing out!
Assistance shouldn't be for the ones who are too lazy to work, whose baby daddy don't pay child support, or who doesn't know who their baby daddy is! (And if baby daddy is dead you're getting enough of his social security for your child that you shouldn't require government assistance if you would DO YOUR PART.) It should be for working class people who just can't seem to make ends meet, sick children, parents of those sick children, & old people who worked their whole lives but can't make ends meet off of social security because the government misspent that too.
My daddy used to say "this world ain't gonna amount to nothin' but deadbeats & queers." (No offense to my gay & lesbian friends intended)...daddy had at least half of it right. STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
Sure enough as the morning progressed & I was working my butt off writing grants to attempt to secure funding for building repairs & print materials to promote the arts I find out what all the hype is about: EMERGENCY FOOD STAMPS up to $350 per recipient. (WTF) Where are the tax payers' emergency vouchers...we lost our groceries too, so now we have to stock the deadbeats refrigerators TWICE this month & replace what we lost in the storm? GIVE ME A FREAKIN' BREAK! GET A JOB PEOPLE....a J. O. B.!!!!! If you had one you wouldn't have been able to have your trifling ass in line this morning because you would have been WORKING (at your J.O.B.).
I've been working since I was 16 years old (20 years now) and have raised a son for 17 years on my own without a dime of child support OR assistance from social services. I struggle, but if I'd asked for assistance from D.S.S. I would have "made too much money," or my "car value would have been too high," my "salary would have been too high" or I "would have had a better chance if I were a minority." These excuses have been handed to some of my dearest & most hard working friends. This is BUNK.
No wonder our economy has gone to hell in a hand basket....we're giving handouts to every lazy mo' fo' in the world at the expense of the hardworking & struggling. You don't want to work...no problem, "we got you" is the message the government is sending with no true right in sending since it's OUR MONEY they're handing out!
Assistance shouldn't be for the ones who are too lazy to work, whose baby daddy don't pay child support, or who doesn't know who their baby daddy is! (And if baby daddy is dead you're getting enough of his social security for your child that you shouldn't require government assistance if you would DO YOUR PART.) It should be for working class people who just can't seem to make ends meet, sick children, parents of those sick children, & old people who worked their whole lives but can't make ends meet off of social security because the government misspent that too.
My daddy used to say "this world ain't gonna amount to nothin' but deadbeats & queers." (No offense to my gay & lesbian friends intended)...daddy had at least half of it right. STOP THE MADNESS!!!!
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